Why cry about things you can laugh at Said the quote on my bathroom mirror It wasn’t funny I thought And smiled to myself
The nights have been short Or perhaps it was I who has been stretched thin Between two impossibilities Of being here and being there An almost everywhere Every thought of mine now Feels like a bullet through the brain The very last; and in a way everlasting But new ones creep out Out of this philosophical yeast Growing in the dark keeps of my mind Nurtured with cold sweat And self taught paralysis
The toothpaste tastes funny Like old age These are those days of winter When sadness feels warm Like a hug or a cup of coffee Something to snuggle into and fall asleep Sadness; the elixir of a dying man Sadness, yes And melancholy (Pretty word) Made of me and the unholy: Thoughts, dreams, desires Snails creeping on a wet wire
I remember a time When I dreamt of being a dog And lie on the carpet Of fallen leaves Dogs can dream, can’t they? (Yes) And so I dreamt of being a dog To come full circle A perfection My being complete A zero
The wind from the window Touches my face And I blush; Love is in the air Or is it despair? How can one compare? When being utterly unaware… (I rhymed on purpose For they say poetry must taste like a painting) I gargle and gag There is blood in my spit A rose line Branching out like a symphony Clarinet and timpani Violins and bassoons Bach and Beethoven Mozart who died too soon The tap turns A thunder The tap turns All silence
My finger on the window Made a rainbow in the dust And I could see my watered down mirage Gasping in surprise Laughter; a dry mist From the flesh of my throat As if my heart knew the humour Was the one that I wrote (I wonder if the people sitting at the table Can hear, discern, decode, confirm)
I should have worn socks It’s cold; The floor, the walls, the ceiling The curtains, the furniture, the feeling Should I wear it now? My toes are already numb And the ankles ache Yes, a mistake To wear it now Better to regret not wearing it at all Than knowing the comfort I lost It won’t solve Anything As such
It is December I do not remember the last December Or the one before All the memories of past winters Are glued together Indecipherable I was alone then In more ways than one Incomplete, high strung To come easily undone But not anymore…
She came from far The horizon was her home I knew her reflection Was same as my own Yet the ocean between us This sapphire separation Was daunting, nigh haunting With adrift ships and lost anchors And mad sailor men upon the shore And lighthouses blinking “Advance No More”
We sell paper boats now Made of torn poetry And write poems upon onion peels And ripe tomatoes It’s beautiful The fragrance of homemade chicken And her smile And that nodding head And the dancing waist She is happy So am I This December So am I…
And the world It is falling And there are no secrets Left to share I am found Someone’s calling And all I need is To be there So it’s a goodbye Everyone And I shall see you When the summer’s sun Is finally won
I sleep upon the windowpane And the glass cracks under my face Like lightning from my breath The night below is strange; Captured stars howling On streets and in houses As people dance To hide the shadow of their shame I can smell their perfume here Thirty stories high Scent filled with lost sleep and sadness It numbs me My throat, my voice And I choke without a choice (Should I shift? Should I turn? I do…and the thunder swims to my belly The glass gasps But the shattering never comes)
Sound of a million footsteps Collapse into a single chord Time’s thread This linear, pinpoint eternity Do I merge or do I dare Far foolish when being aware That there are no ripples in the ocean Just reflections of the air Lives, candles Last days in wreath Desire turned dream Dream turned to death
I now see the eyelashes Left by a lost time For cinders on the shore For hearts saying no more For children born sans choice Once people now toys And so the dying swans dance Vying for a chance To nibble the breadcrumbs Of broken down plans And I, this vain, stitched flesh in pain Lie supine, and divine, my tears through rain And sing against the chorus Those verses that say Ask and you shall get And to get you must pray As if prayers are questions As if questions would find a way As if ways would take me home As if home is for what I pray
So I await Under the cold sun of midnight Watching myself Falling out of sight First a man Then a memory Now a stranger Forever a stray A silhouette Some shadow All silence Is what I say
I rest my faults on my tongue And though it is textured as glass The taste is of raspberry Or blood I fail to distinguish My throat hurts From the cuts The bed is warm Like unwavering ash Like a tired pyre And I search with numb fingers My eyes; closed now For this is a dream I am not dead For this is a dream There is no bed The room I wake up to is all ochre And I am naked waist up Breath fills my belly And I shiver as the cold air claims my hunger My lungs, this ribcage holding together Heartbeats tearing to escape Stands out Like fingers from my skin I am a man no more Just random thoughts on a paper And my infinitesimal existence Like rings of rising vapour I remember being beautiful I remember being a being I remember writing those lyrics Which no man could ever sing But it is cold now And I feel I am too old to be young Now it is cold And I know I am too young to be old The winter is at the window And it is not going to wait The fire is long gone Now I am just a butterfly under the blanket And I would have closed my eyes Had the pillow not snored back Whispering to me All the things that I lack Privy to my dreams It does so on my behalf So when my dream does shatters I am not alone when I laugh
