The Silver In My Song

The broken flowers they fell at my feet
Gold and silver, ebony and peat
And I knew not where this road may lead
Will I find in the end what I need
And I need...
A silence in the shape of the sun
A bit of violence with the face of a nun
And someone who won't turn and run
When I face down the barrel of a gun
But hear now...
I don't have a penny to pay as your price
I spend my nights cold and filled up on rice
And I know my heart is my own greatest vice
Always afraid that my love won't suffice
You can see...
Out there those houses of princes and kings
Whilst I can only shelter you neath my own wings
And I have no diamonds to tie our rings
Just the hollow of my chest to rest your sufferings
So beware...
Of my sweet words that may seduce and sway
They only ache so to take you away
And keep you happy come what it may
We will be children till our hair turn grey
But I know...
This poem seems just a practice in rhymes
And does not cover the cost of past crimes
But I shall spend every penny and all of my dimes
For our today and the end of our times
So...
Never forgive if you want but don't forget
The magic of those moments we met
And I wonder if it's my heart you now so hate
But wasn't our love written by the hands of the fate?
Thus I say…
The broken flowers they fell at my feet
Gold and silver, ebony and peat
And I knew not where this road may lead
Will I find in the end what I need
And I need…
You

The Nuances of My Nights

            A poet knows
The name of all places
And directions to none
- Not a Poet


I write because it hurts
And if I scream they will know my pain
I don’t want to scream
Don’t want to shatter the serene mirror
That holds together
All false reflections
The world holds dear
For the blame of it
Would lie on me
And I have enough confessions to pardon
In my soliloquy

I slept late yesterday
There was a tempest inside me
And my mind was anchored loose
I was swayed, buffeted
And at once painted still
As if my soul
Was the albatross
From the Rime of the Ancient Mariner
And I thought:
Every murder is a suicide in a way
Isn’t it?
To surrender the right of your life to someone else
Without a fight
There are many types of murders
Of trust, flesh and mind
Common massacres
Gruesome
One of a kind…
It’s getting dark

I should have had dinner
But the lights were too bright
And candles too dim
The plate felt soft
And the spoon too thin
Or was it me
Who felt brittle and blind
With so many dreams to dream
And so few days to do
(Now that was a lie
For I cherish my own incompetence
Like a child does it’s once favourite but now broken toy)

I am afraid I have found
The edge of my reason
And the world beyond (And would you believe it?)
Is a mirror…
It seems me and this mirror
We are obsessed with each other
In finding faults
In pointing out to one another
Our own shrinking horizons
Until one of us agrees
The threshold of our limitations

I slept late yesterday
(No, I already said that
Pardon, it’s the mirror reflecting my memories
God I am tired)

Good night

The Mist of My Mornings

Why cry about things you can laugh at
Said the quote on my bathroom mirror
It wasn’t funny
I thought
And smiled to myself

The nights have been short
Or perhaps it was I who has been stretched thin
Between two impossibilities
Of being here and being there
An almost everywhere
Every thought of mine now
Feels like a bullet through the brain
The very last; and in a way everlasting
But new ones creep out
Out of this philosophical yeast
Growing in the dark keeps of my mind
Nurtured with cold sweat
And self taught paralysis

The toothpaste tastes funny
Like old age
These are those days of winter
When sadness feels warm
Like a hug or a cup of coffee
Something to snuggle into and fall asleep
Sadness; the elixir of a dying man
Sadness, yes
And melancholy (Pretty word)
Made of me and the unholy:
Thoughts, dreams, desires
Snails creeping on a wet wire

I remember a time
When I dreamt of being a dog
And lie on the carpet
Of fallen leaves
Dogs can dream, can’t they? (Yes)
And so I dreamt of being a dog
To come full circle
A perfection
My being complete
A zero

The wind from the window
Touches my face
And I blush;
Love is in the air
Or is it despair?
How can one compare?
When being utterly unaware…
(I rhymed on purpose
For they say poetry must taste like a painting)
I gargle and gag
There is blood in my spit
A rose line
Branching out like a symphony
Clarinet and timpani
Violins and bassoons
Bach and Beethoven
Mozart who died too soon
The tap turns
A thunder
The tap turns
All silence

Good morning




December

My finger on the window 
Made a rainbow in the dust
And I could see my watered down mirage
Gasping in surprise
Laughter; a dry mist
From the flesh of my throat
As if my heart knew the humour
Was the one that I wrote
(I wonder if the people sitting at the table
Can hear, discern, decode, confirm)

I should have worn socks
It’s cold;
The floor, the walls, the ceiling
The curtains, the furniture, the feeling
Should I wear it now?
My toes are already numb
And the ankles ache
Yes, a mistake
To wear it now
Better to regret not wearing it at all
Than knowing the comfort I lost
It won’t solve
Anything
As such

It is December
I do not remember the last December
Or the one before
All the memories of past winters
Are glued together
Indecipherable
I was alone then
In more ways than one
Incomplete, high strung
To come easily undone
But not anymore…

She came from far
The horizon was her home
I knew her reflection
Was same as my own
Yet the ocean between us
This sapphire separation
Was daunting, nigh haunting
With adrift ships and lost anchors
And mad sailor men upon the shore
And lighthouses blinking
“Advance No More”

We sell paper boats now
Made of torn poetry
And write poems upon onion peels
And ripe tomatoes
It’s beautiful
The fragrance of homemade chicken
And her smile
And that nodding head
And the dancing waist
She is happy
So am I
This December
So am I…

The Cold Sun of Midnight

I sleep upon the windowpane 
And the glass cracks under my face
Like lightning from my breath
The night below is strange;
Captured stars howling
On streets and in houses
As people dance
To hide the shadow of their shame
I can smell their perfume here
Thirty stories high
Scent filled with lost sleep and sadness
It numbs me
My throat, my voice
And I choke without a choice
(Should I shift? Should I turn?
I do…and the thunder swims to my belly
The glass gasps
But the shattering never comes)

Sound of a million footsteps
Collapse into a single chord
Time’s thread
This linear, pinpoint eternity
Do I merge or do I dare
Far foolish when being aware
That there are no ripples in the ocean
Just reflections of the air
Lives, candles
Last days in wreath
Desire turned dream
Dream turned to death

I now see the eyelashes
Left by a lost time
For cinders on the shore
For hearts saying no more
For children born sans choice
Once people now toys
And so the dying swans dance
Vying for a chance
To nibble the breadcrumbs
Of broken down plans
And I, this vain, stitched flesh in pain
Lie supine, and divine, my tears through rain
And sing against the chorus
Those verses that say
Ask and you shall get
And to get you must pray
As if prayers are questions
As if questions would find a way
As if ways would take me home
As if home is for what I pray

So I await
Under the cold sun of midnight
Watching myself
Falling out of sight
First a man
Then a memory
Now a stranger
Forever a stray
A silhouette
Some shadow
All silence
Is what I say




Ether

I rest my faults on my tongue
And though it is textured as glass
The taste is of raspberry
Or blood
I fail to distinguish
My throat hurts
From the cuts
The bed is warm
Like unwavering ash
Like a tired pyre
And I search with numb fingers
My eyes; closed now
For this is a dream
I am not dead
For this is a dream
There is no bed
The room I wake up to is all ochre
And I am naked waist up
Breath fills my belly
And I shiver as the cold air claims my hunger
My lungs, this ribcage holding together
Heartbeats tearing to escape
Stands out
Like fingers from my skin
I am a man no more
Just random thoughts on a paper
And my infinitesimal existence
Like rings of rising vapour
I remember being beautiful
I remember being a being
I remember writing those lyrics
Which no man could ever sing
But it is cold now
And I feel I am too old to be young
Now it is cold
And I know I am too young to be old
The winter is at the window
And it is not going to wait
The fire is long gone
Now I am just a butterfly under the blanket
And I would have closed my eyes
Had the pillow not snored back
Whispering to me
All the things that I lack
Privy to my dreams
It does so on my behalf
So when my dream does shatters
I am not alone when I laugh

Razzmatazz

Dry twigs wrestle the wind 
Shadows burn on the ground
Here I stand in the center
And the world turns around
With yellow leaves laughing
White sand dyed brown
In Nameless nothingness
I named a pronoun
All of me
All of me
At the bottom of this sea
Sand dunes shrunk to seashell
Like past framed into memory

I watch dazed morning
Walk drunk upon the shore
Where my footsteps on the sand
Leave footprints no more
As if all of my life
Was a mirage from the start
A mirror holding together
A man falling apart

All of me
All of me
At the bottom of this sea
In the sky a sun wrinkled
And stars breaking free
Am I drowning
Am I drowning
Should I breathe this darkness and lay
As a dead man in a dying womb being fed everyday
The same old desires
The same old silver songs
The same old praise and promises
That nothing would go wrong

And only if only
I could no longer be here
Be a past that never happened
And a future always near
But never coming together
With the rhythm of our heart
An end that is unending
A beginning that never did start
You and me, you and me
The Sand and the sea
Away forever
Our little infinity

The edges of the world
Like pages from a play
A Recurring razzmatazz
Occurring everyday
The blue’s beats
Jarring jazz
And ballads on the way
Razzmatazz, razzmatazz
As Liquored lovers say
“You be thought and I the mind
To reminisce and remind
That love is not litmus
To be tested everyday
Let it flower, let it grow
Be careful what you sow
For the soil takes it all
Your flight and your fall
And it’s the way of the crowd
To take as truth what is loud
While our love is all silence
Strong sans the violence
So take care of the petals
They are flesh and not metal
And do not look for reflection
Till the water; it has settled”

Dry twigs wrestle the wind
Shadows burn on the ground
Here I stand at the edge
And the world is not round
Black leaves moan
Under heels; trodden down
In Nameless nothingness
I named a pronoun
All of me
All of me
At the bottom of this sea
Falling nowhere
With two skies above me
All of me
All of me
At the bottom of this sea
Fading in the distance
Once man now memory

Thinking of You

Thoughts of you 
A wounded prism
Bleeding rainbow blood
From skin the colour of acrylic
Water upon water
Wet upon wet
(Random noise;
My pseudo poetry,
Commas and semicolons limping across the verses
In a desolate frequency
Like an empty road echoing;
The silhouettes of silent wheels
The smell of burnt rubber
And the touch of gasoline)
I long to stare at your face that stands stark against the sky
A newborn moon; unblemished
Rolling upon tethered horizons
Like a dime in the dark

O how I ache to be in your arms now
To be your ice and your fire
Your utter despair and open desire
I wish I could hold you
Like ink in my paper palm
Like an unformed word
Like a fleeting thought
I wish I could know how you see me
Am I an anchor that keeps you calm
Or wings that sets you free?
I know I heal as an afterthought
And you are careful in remembrance
And although we have met few times
These moments that pass
This liquid life
Is reshaped by our every touch
For the fire that burns us feels the same
Today, tomorrow, after an eternity again

I remember being
Your dream
When you were wide awake
A flower trapped within sunshine
And I know I am not destiny’s choice
For my voice
That dark tobacco of my baritone
Is neither honey nor nectar
And my eyes that reach out
Through the veiled carcass of some velveteen night
Belongs to shadow and to spectre
But love
Through the shards of slow time
That ebbed our feet away for many days
Now we walk
With our two hearts disguised as one

Branches in my Backyard


I once had branches
That burned in my backyard
A pyre sans desire
A fire drowned by its fire
And at night
In the dark
When ghost grew like fruits
From the shadow of its seeds
From the ashes of its roots
One could hear
In the cast out whispers that they kept
Broken words bandaged
Pain yet un-wept
And they said, they said
In the black waves of bright flames
We are faces without faces
Nameless within our names
And if night be a star in the ocean
And infinity an eternal motion
If silence be the words without sound
And self a state never to be found
Then the world with it’s weight held in a grain
And poets with their pens dipped in pain
The weathered visages with their vermillion words
And the horizon a home for forgotten birds
Is there to be seen, is there to be shown
And not to be alone or utterly unknown

O the desire to be
Loved by all
And the ache of letting go
When it is harder to fall
Because of the world with it’s quiet words left to rot
On transparent eyelashes
Of eyes that dream, of eyes that dare
Of eyes that hold, of eyes that care
Should I wish upon myself an early demise
Would the darkness in it’s view find it wise
Why then sometimes I want to be
The silence that shapes the sea
Why then sometimes I want to be
Someone whom none can see

Despair, beware
I am a sky without cause
My pain, insane
Do not ache for applause
Stare in the mirror
O horror of my mind
What you see is what you are
Be gentle if not kind
And whisper unto the wind
These fables of your own
For you are no Pietá
But a statue turned to stone

My Woman


He carried a corpse on his shoulder
A straw man made of stone
And walked the nowhere path
A footstep in a crowd; alone
He had feathers on his broken back
Which wept on silent nights
And he wished for a shooting star
Having never had one in sight
The man was armed with silence
And buried tears in each eye
Had no heart of which to speak of
And dared not ask why
So he searched his own shadow
That wet the mosaic floor
And wondered if his life
Even mattered anymore
For he was a mortal man
Who died in his own dreams
And come night only his pillow
Answered back his screams
He thought of leaving it all
And be dust and be free
He thought of casting his anchor
In the middle of the barren sea
For him the changing world
Was a wave that ever repeats
And he questioned unto the chaos
Why do I rhyme when nothing fits?

Her face was a prison of prisms
Her eyes twin melodies of mind
Her skin shone like vanishing velvet
Her kiss was one of a kind
But she was no fabled princess
Wandering lost at his open door
Nor was she a cast away goddess
He had once prayed to before
She was a woman in making
And held her heart in her own hand
She knew the world as her oyster
And she a pearl in the prophetic sand
She saw the world with its visage brimming
With light bulbs and bright lies
So she searched for the one who stood
With bruises like midnight skies
He was a naked man
Unclothed; without a name
Who counted a single star
Thinking that all were same
To her he was a child unfed
Left to roam as a newborn in wild
Once without a home
Through fate utterly exiled

He saw her hand in the ocean
And the world closed around his eyes
As he drowned in the water that whispered
Breathe now or the dream dies
He felt her fingers upon his shoulder
And he answered back in kind
Till their lips sealed shut a secret
Which no soul could ever find
And they danced in the depths like dolphins
Two kindred hearts as one
Who wished so much for the stars
That they grew their own sun
So that when the leaves now rustle
And the colours do not make sense
They can watch the silence get slower
And the rainbow go back in rain