A Confetti of Concussions

I licked the ink-pot
For leftover words—
Words whose foeticide haunts me
Like laughter 
At the end of my eulogy 

I succumb to the watered down version of myself 
They watch me—
As I haunt fireflies under streetlights:
Like a modern mosque,
Some cannibalised church
A trapped temple 
Random discourse
A faint idea
Keeling over the volume of vomit
Ready to be regurgitated
Like a scripture 
Of my life

The moon pools like piss
Around my ankles 
As I weep
Watching my nightmares 
Walk the night
Whilst I fade—
From sky’s painted blue to horizon’s scratched red
When I follow 
The pole star of no path
Like a wish
Yearning to be granted 
A Yggdrasil, dying to be planted
And then
Left alone
To be inert
At birth

Standing somewhere 
I apologised to the air-
It isn’t fair, I said
Half grateful, part afraid 
Of being proven wrong in my regret—
The closest thing to a closeted fate
And it’s easier to evaporate
In the space between 
My neck and my pillow
And became the indivisible 
That incalculable afterthought 
Which succumbs 
Ever so wilfully 
To dream’s dying desires-
Like a wound
Unwilling to heal
And able to feel
The hurt, all the pain,
Driving the flesh slowly insane
Inch by inch
Till all that remains of one
Is a red hand
Reaching for the heart

I let my mind unravel 
Like a knotted string
That never went through 
The eye of the needle
My theory for this is that sometimes 
The affliction comes from affection-
Affection for the effects of the affliction 
As if the race between the tortoise and the hare 
Was won by the tortoise 
While never being there
At the finish line

And there is much I need to ask
From myself before that,
But the catapult of questions 
Can only aim so far
So I vie for the fruits 
Hanging on the lower branches 
Sweet residues, softer shadows 
Of a grand world 
Made of crystals and confetti
Confessions and curiosities 
A woollen world
Of shapeless horizons 
And mirror-tinted sea
Made of mythical people 
For whom the world comes from ‘Me’

I wish to cover the world under the blanket
And tell the ghost story
Of how it all ended
At the very beginning