The Sun On My Left Shoulder

I wonder if being truly lost
Is the same as never being found
Would I know I am able to speak
If I never did hear any sound
There, I have spoken
A pencil pushing philosopher 
Watching the sunset out of the window 
And sunrise in my bed
My years passed like traffic on tarmac
But I am still a kid in my head 

Before you
I was an afterthought 
A sunflower shy of the sun 
Walking the slow shades beneath lost footpaths 
Afraid of every turn
So I searched for radio-silence
And grew deserts in my yard
Thus no one came to claim me
I was both bastard and a bard

I open my eyes and your face evaporates,
In thin threads of memories
From the diaphanous diary
Of our love that is losing
Its scent by the mile
So I smile and you smile
And wait for time to take its toll
When our flesh turns to foliage 
And two souls are made whole

I know that my name
For you is a blessing and a curse
And I am holding still your world
And trying to reverse 
Your agony and your pain
And instances insane 
Like catching your falling tears
In the middle of the rain
And I have lost some
And the rest I am losing 
Neither by choice nor by choosing 
The best for us both
Promising a broken oath
To heal and to mend
Nightmares that never end
But goes on like this poem
With an intent to ascend
The fate of a dying flower;
Which has no beauty left to lend

Before you I was an afterthought 
With you I breathe and burn
I now have sun on my left shoulder
And towards you, my sunflower, I turn